Official: FRW's Theo P. Henry launches Campaign for Ukip Leadership

Yes, it's true. FRW are seeking to have Theo Henry's name added to the Ballot for Leadership of Ukip, completely in accordance with current Party rules.

Why? Because we can. Here's the backstory...

Followers with good memories may recall we have said previously that a few years ago some us actually joined Ukip. It was a useful way of ensuring we could attend Conferences and examine Ukip from the inside. It's been a great source of information.

Of course, we used assumed names.

In one case we used the name, and town, of a very well-known Regional EDL Organiser, to see if Ukip bothered to vet new members. Did they? Nope. Accepted as a member.

In another case we used an intentional miss-spelling of the name of a well-known 1930s Italian Dictator, to see if that would trigger alarm bells. Pfft. Accepted as a member.

But for our first membership, we used a combination of the surname of Midlands actor/comedian Lenny Henry CBE, yes, the one who was told by a Ukip Candidate to go back to a black country. (Lenny Henry was born in Dudley) and the Christian name of possibly his greatest creation - the Sex God himself, Theophilus P. Wildebeest III.

So as Theophilus P. Henry, our man joined Ukip. Little did we know that down the line, right now, this would pay off so handsomely.

You see, we were examining the Ukip Rule Book recently in the light of the current Ukip Leadership Contest. And we realised that our Theo actually, according to Ukip's own rules, had a perfect right to run for Party Leader.

So we announce today, officially, that Theo P. Henry will seek to have his name added to the official Ballot for Ukip Party Leader.

Official paperwork will be completed next week. Meanwhile, Theo's Policies as Ukip Leader will be:
  1. Try to be a little less Racist. Just kidding. First policy is to endeavour to hide our Racism a lot better.
  2. Disbanding of the Ukip LGBT Group as everyone knows that it's a merely a front to point to, to deflect from rightful criticism of our rampant homophobia.
  3. Renaming of our Youth Wing, 'YI Official' to 'Der Jugend Kippersh'.
  4. A 40 foot Statue of St Nigel in every school, draped in a Union Flag. Or the Flag of St George, for when Scotland secede and rejoin the EU.
  5. No female Candidates to run for office until they've properly cleaned behind the fridge.
  6. Free English beer for everyone, it's all on EU expenses. David Coburn has the Credit Card. White wine for the ladies, of course, after we've checked that fridge is properly clean.
  7. Any elected Ukip official turning up for work more than 1 day a fortnight is to be deselected. It sets a very bad precedent.
  8. April 23rd to be renamed 'St Farage's Day'.
  9. Pure-bred Anglo Saxons only, in the England Football team. (Cricket is excluded as we need the opening batsmen and spin bowlers.)
  10. Absorption of entire Britain First hordes. Hell, they're mostly all members now anyway.
  11. UK to be renamed Free United Celtic Kingdom With Independent Trading Status.
We are reliably informed that there is no rule against running under a pseudonym. And Theo is not obliged to make any speeches or public appearances. But .... that is oh, so tempting.

Hashtags for our Campaign will be
  • #HowHardCanItBe
  • #ThisIsJustAPartTimeThingOkay
  • #IsThereAnyMoneyLeft ... and
  • #TakingBritainBackTo1950s

We have no doubt that at some point Ukip will 'unearth' (read: 'create') some rule which excludes him from running. But a truly democratic party must abide by it's own rules, and as far as we can see, we're in the game.

So remember:
For a UKIP that isn't
WHO and WHAT we ARE!
(Homophobic Fradulent Xenophobes)

Right about now Ukip HQ are trying to work out if this is parody.

Or not. :-)